


Always Look Towards the Sun

by Hikaru Yuy (hikaruyuy)



Series: Operation: Parenting [13]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Heero and Duo get deep whilst smoking cigarettes, Multi, if anyone deserves happy endings it's Heero and Duo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikaruyuy/pseuds/Hikaru%20Yuy
Summary: Heero and Duo never thought 25 years after the war they would be living the lives they were, or that they would be so content with their lives. Written for Rhythm Generation: The Measure of a Year.
Relationships: Duo Maxwell/Relena Peacecraft/Heero Yuy
Series: Operation: Parenting [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1206309
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Always Look Towards the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> After sitting on this fic for literal MONTHS because of the content embargo...I can finally show you the fic that I wrote for Rhythm Generation! Though this takes place in the Operation:Parenting 'verse, you don't need to have read anything from that series, but if you want to do that, feel free! And naturally because this was for a zine celebrating the 25th anniversary for Gundam Wing, this fic takes place 25 years post-series (AC 221) and how the passage of time would affect our boys...but especially Heero and Duo, because they're my favourites.
> 
> Happy birthday, Gundam Wing. Thank you for everything ♥

The unseasonable cold didn't bother Heero as he sat on the front porch steps in little more than a long sleeved ‘ _Raised in the Colonies, established AC 180’_ shirt one might find in some tourist trap shop, and sleep pants patterned with well worn stars and moons. Autumn was definitely here, and there was a telltale chill in the air. Every day more and more leaves drifted down to the ground, covering the roof of the garage and the grass in the yard in a kaleidoscope of greens and yellows, sprinkling over the glass roof of the solarium like nature's version of confetti. They littered the front sidewalk from the tree across the road that was in dire need of trimming, but the neighbours seemed more concerned about mowing their lawn with an ineffective lawn mower than pruning. He rested his head against the porch railing as he gazed up at the moon. He felt just a little nostalgic as he traced the railing’s shape with his fingertips, cigarette sending tendrils of smoke up into the midnight blue sky.

It was after midnight and not a soul was around, with most sound asleep in their beds or at least tucked away in their houses for the night. In the distance a dog barked, and leaves skipped across the pavement, turned this way and that by the wind. Heero chased after them with his eyes as he let his thoughts roam free, one of the few times he dared to let them go, afraid of where they would end up. This time of year, the nights were longer and cooler, colour slowly leaching out of everything, leaves going from subdued yellows to burning hot reds before crumbling into dust. Heero loved to watch Earth's transformation unfold right before his eyes, for the trees to wither and die, the final blooms to fall, and the grass to shrivel up before becoming dormant until spring; something that never happened in the Colonies, where he hadn’t lived in 25 years.

Everything in the Colonies was artificial, down to the seasons that didn't really exist unless someone pressed a couple of buttons in the weather center to make it rain or snow. There was never a risk of a hurricane or flooding or lightning that tore the skies apart. There was never a chance of a blizzard that would shut down roads for days at a time, or cause potentially fatal power outages if they couldn't get systems back online, or configure the backup in time. Sure, it was theoretically possible to have "disaster weather events" on the Colonies, but only if someone behind the controls messed up. 

Space was so predictable when it came to life on the Colonies; it wasn't like Earth at all. No matter how hard humans tried to emulate it, the Colonies paled in comparison to the real thing. Seeing it up close and being able to explore it after the war made Heero see things from a new perspective. Earth's beauty wasn't the only thing he ended up learning to appreciate—there was life itself, something he took for granted for far too long.

Heero often thought of his own transitions in life, how the hell he'd ended up in this place, with this life. He mentally followed the twisted lines that made up his life's road map, with its various dead ends, detours and reversals. But no matter how many times he did this, he still found himself getting lost at times. At other times Heero was struck by disbelief over what was, at the time, a small ripple that had ended up changing the world substantially. The huge changes didn't surprise him—it was Odin Lowe who taught him that anyone could do it, regardless of how big or small the choice was. 

Pilot 01 never once saw himself with a house in a city with small town appeal and appearance, where everyone at the local grocery store knew your name and the names of your partners and that your daughter failed her math test, didn't you know? Or asked if you got a chance to visit the stretch of sunflowers right by the pre-Colonies museum from a war no one in this day and age was alive to remember and few people learned about in history class. He never saw himself as the kind of man who would end up married, let alone in a polyamorous relationship involving his best friend and the young woman who had changed the world through world peace. Never saw himself as the type to tuck in a gaggle of beautiful, dark haired children (that his wife insisted all took after him) after helping them with homework and reading them just one more bedtime story. 

Then again Pilot 01 never pictured himself surviving the war, living to see sixteen, graduating high school and pursuing college and a career, either. He had expected to die young and full of guilt and regrets as a teenage tragedy pulled into a world he had no business being part of in the first place. He had expected to be a martyr who died for the sake of the Colonies and their freedom, not unlike the man Doctor J named him after. 

He took another pull on his cigarette. The autumn breeze that swayed the sea of sunflowers across the road tugged at his shirt and hair and pulled the smoke astray. Heero didn't like tracing all of the different paths his life could've taken on the Road Map of Life because after a while he lost track of what crisscrossed which line. How one path ended in a dead end after Wing's detonation in Siberia, and how another led to him dying at the ripe old age of Too Old to Function. How he could've ended up with that perpetual "something is missing from my life" feeling if he hadn't listened to Duo and answered "yes" to Relena's invitation to dinner at her swanky new apartment. The moon was their only witness as they stood on her balcony, sharing more than just typical after-dinner conversation, as they both lay their souls bare for the other, and he admitted he never wanted to lose her as she placed her heart in his hands. 

All the times both Relena and Duo could have slipped right through his fingers like sand, but he somehow managed to keep them there, keep them close despite the nightmares and the constant push-pull he employed because he was afraid of letting them see him small and vulnerable. It ended up being the best thing he'd ever done because it proved to him what they knew all along: that he was _human_ and regardless of how screwed up he was, he was worthy of their love. 

The front door creaked open behind him and Duo slipped out, clad in a thin t-shirt and lounge pants, two beers in his hand. He padded across the porch, disregarding any risk of splinters in the soles of his feet, and sat down next to Heero, toes curling over the edge of the bottom step as he handed one of the bottles over. 

"Do you know why they planted that patch over there?" Duo gestured with his Swiss army knife, flicking open the bottle opener with his thumb.

Heero shook his head. "I must admit, I was never interested in the history of it."

Duo cracked open their beers, Heero's before his, before resting his elbows on his knees and taking a swig.

"This place was in really bad shape after the war, all 'cause OZ was nice and ravaged the damn place before they gave up the fight. So as a symbol of hope, they planted that patch of sunflowers, thinking that there would be at least one bright spot in the lives of everyone here." He shrugged.

"Can't fault them for that."

Fireflies flitted about, their gentle glow creating an almost ethereal feel to the night. One got caught in a spider web woven between the porch railing and the support column, and Heero gently freed it.

"I mean, I guess it's better than putting a theme park where the OZ Lunar base used to be." Duo shifted so he could remove something from his pocket. "Disrespectful to the dead in my opinion, regardless of what side they were on."

Heero said nothing as he swirled the contents of his beer bottle. "Not everyone is like you, and thinks of the moon as a graveyard and thus sacred."

Duo chuckled. "Ain't just the moon, everywhere is a graveyard. Port alone has two and there's talks about them needing a third." He sighed. "Let me ask you something, 'Ro."

Heero looked at him from the corner of his eye, tilting his head back a little.

"You and I don't really get a lot of time to talk like this so..."

"I don't like to talk about the past," Heero said. "My therapist says it's bad for me."

Duo nodded slowly. "I get that. You don't have to answer if you don't wanna, but... You ever think of shit like that? About what we did during the war and if it was worth it? If anyone actually believed what they were doing was right, regardless of side?"

At first Heero said nothing and simply sipped at his beer, eyes focusing now on the cracks in the sidewalk below. He didn't want to think about the war and yet the more he tried not to, the more the memories resurfaced, images buried long ago now stacking up, waiting to be viewed in his mind's internal film reel. Heero tried not to let his past haunt him or define him, and when it did he would scribble out his thoughts on paper at his therapist's suggestion, but on nights like this the person he used to be and the reasons why surfaced from the deep unanchored. Thoughts about how close he'd been to death. About how many people he'd killed. About how much blood was on his hands and whether it had ever been transferred to the things he’d touched.

"I don't think they died in vain," Heero said at last. "In the end they wanted the war to end, they wanted peace even if their initial actions seemed contrary to it. I don't know the names or stories of every soldier, unlike Treize, who died in the end. But I don't care to learn all the names, either. All of the memorials are simply there because the grieving of war dead is strictly for ceremonial purposes and nothing more."

"So all those soldiers were just the same as us, fighting to protect what was important."

"Maybe that's what you were fighting for," Heero said. "I think between the five of us there are five different reasons for why we did what we did. Wanting peace for the Colonies is what unified us."

"Nothing wrong with having your own reasons for fighting," Duo murmured. "Whatever gets you through it. I tried not to see them as people, you know? Especially after what they did to those I cared about."

Heero rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. Duo never shared his past, though he certainly alluded to different things. Heero never pressed him about it, it was none of his business. 

"I don't like to think about it," Heero repeated. "It doesn't change anything, it won't bring them back to life or give me or you any answers."

Duo chuckled. "It crossed my mind a lot during the war, though," he admitted. "But then again I'd never considered myself a great soldier. Like I said, I went in wanting the Alliance to pay for what they'd done to people I considered family. _You_ on the other hand... You were a natural, like the battlefield was where you belonged."

For the briefest of moments, passing car lights cut through the dark, illuminating himself and Duo for a split second before plunging everything into firefly-lit darkness once more. "There was nothing natural about any of my abilities,” Heero countered. “I was a toy to be used in a political game of chess where all of the opponent's pieces are ripped apart instead of merely being captured."

Pilot 01 was a "perfect soldier" on paper, maybe. Higher than average endurance, strength, agility; the controls of a mobile suit felt like second nature to him. 01 was the creation of Doctor J at the behest of Dekim Barton. Made for war, for death, for killing without any regard for human life, just as the original Operation Meteor dictated. A weapon to be used to the fullest extent of completing a mission involving mass genocide and destruction. Heero swallowed hard, the swig of beer bitter in his mouth.

"It's been 25 years, Duo," Heero said. "I left 01 behind a long time ago, in the wreckage of ZERO."

"And yet you continue to carry around the baggage a name like 'Heero Yuy' gives you," Duo murmured as he rested his chin against the neck of his half full bottle.

Heero shrugged. "They don't learn about him in history class anymore; they haven't for years now. Heero Yuy's legacy lies in the minds of an aging population of Colonists, and that's likely where it's going to stay."

"They learn about another Heero Yuy, who ended up in the history books for actually accomplishing peace instead." Duo sounded amused.

Heero drained the last of his beer. "They learn about Pilot 01." He twisted the wedding band on his finger. "I'm not Pilot 01 anymore, Duo. That title means nothing to me."

Duo sat up then as a car pulled up in front of the house next door. The door opened and some nondescript pop song filtered out as a figure emerged from within. The door slammed shut, abruptly cutting off the music. The figure paused, looking in their direction briefly before heading inside.

"Did you ever think your life would end up like this?" Duo placed his hand on top of Heero's, warming the skin almost instantly. Heero didn't realise just how chilly the night had gotten, but the warmth sent a shiver up his spine.

"Truthfully?"

"Truthfully."

Heero gave Duo the smallest hint of a smile, even though Duo likely couldn't make it out in the dark.

"No." Heero squeezed Duo's fingers. "It ended up better than I could ever have imagined."

Duo grinned before kissing him. A particularly gusty breeze ended up showering the two of them with leaves of all shapes and colours. Duo reached out and caught one.

"You wanna know something else about sunflowers?"

Heero leaned against Duo. "What is it with you and the sunflowers?"

"There was a show on the Science channel about 'em," Duo said. "About all sorts of different flowers that you can only find on Earth because growing conditions ain't right on the Colonies or whatever."

Heero rested his head against Duo's. "Sunflowers are one of them?"

"Apparently. Anyway, they symbolize the sun's attributes—warmth, positivity, power, strength, all that stuff. But mostly they're associated with always looking at the bright side of life. Literally." Duo grinned. "They always look towards the light, so you should too."

"And what happens when the sunflowers wilt and die like everything else when winter comes?"

"Then you can plant some English Primrose to add some cheer to your otherwise cold and grey winter, which the wife just so happens to have planted out in the yard. Or you can just remember that no matter how dark it gets, there's always light peeking in. You just gotta look for it."

For Heero, there hadn’t been a lot of darkness in his life in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Bit of background for this one. I wanted to do an autumn themed fic for the bonus zine because 1.) it's my favourite season ever and 2.) the visuals are stunning. When it came to what it would be about, that was easier since the zine's theme was basically the passage of time (hence the seasons). I wanted to do something incorporating the anniversary, and to go hand in hand with my meta about Heero post-series, I wanted to explore Heero's transition from soldier to regular husband and father. What better to do that than something that takes place in Operation: Parenting?
> 
> It's not easy to sit down and write fic for a zine, especially with specific themes, but whenever I decide to get philosophical about things I end up back at episode 18, where Heero has that speech at the end. So outside of the seasonal and time theme, that was literally my starting inspiration. Heero's episode 18 speech has a profound effect on me even all these years later--I've been in fandom for 17 years now.
> 
> I had a blast writing this of course, and so much fun being part of a fandom collaborative effort. Thanks to lifeaftermeteor for convincing me to join in on the first zine publication, and just making being part of the zine mod crew a fun and rewarding experience ♥ And thank you to the readers for reading this and being part of such an awesome fandom!


End file.
